It was announced that Jimmy Kimmel has been deemed emcee of the 95th Academy Awards. It’s his third time hosting the show, putting him up in the ranks with actually talented people like Bob Hope, Billy Crystal, and Whoopi Goldberg. If his repeated offenses he’s had in the past wasn’t enough, the Quinta Brunson Emmy incident just this year should be enough to stop him from taking an even bigger stage. The last thing the Academy needs right now is even more bad press. 

This is a worst-case scenario. Never before has the actual awarding of the Oscars been so just, fair and diverse yet the telecast so terrible. We need a host to make everyone’s Sunday next year a little better. But that’s where this list comes in. Let’s look at an alternate future where the host is one everyone can get behind. Here are my five picks for who should’ve hosted the Oscars instead of Mr. James Christian Kimmel. 

Here are my criteria for the perfect host:

• Someone people love to see 
• Someone to get the ratings up
• Someone funny, but if not funny, incredibly charismatic 
• Someone willing to make fun of audience members in a way where everyone’s happy
• Someone who won’t say that movies are things that “no one watches” 
• Someone willing to make fun of themselves too
• Finally, someone who actually enjoys movies

Hugh Jackman

Okay, so, he’s not a comedian, but I don’t think the host needs to be! He hosted in 2009 and while not all the punchlines landed, he made up for it in spades in charisma. He won an Emmy for his opening musical number where he sang about the nominees that night and I found it to be really fun! He’s a proper movie star with a serious stage presence that can take in more viewers. Not only that, he loves being in movies and I think he can both honor the medium and make fun of it a little. He’s a triple-threat actor and a triple-threat host.

Keke Palmer

She’s got an infectious smile with an equally effervescent personality. Keke will be hosting SNL very soon and just picked up a New York Critics Circle award for Best Supporting Actress. What that tells me is that she is culturally and critically part of movies. I mean, think of the viewership bump with her there! Keke is meme central and an absolute delight in interviews. The charisma is palpable and the Academy desperately needs some kind of genuine fun to lighten up the show. Not even sure why Jimmy was even asked with Keke around. Get her in the Dolby Theater please!

Jack Black

Charming, funny, and a plain lovable goofball. We don’t really need to have normal comedian hosts, I want a performer! Get me a master of physicality to dance around on the stage and do just about anything to get a laugh. His comedy hits every demographic and is always welcome. Don’t believe me? Check this out. But here’s the catch, we don’t only need one host do we? Maybe there can be 3 hosts? Perhaps Jack Black can host with…

Will Ferrell and John C. Rielly

Bring the Step Brothers back! Get the gang back together! They all can sing, dance, and they have previous Oscars experience. Think about it, anyone would tune in just to see even a little bit of them. I mean, they’ve done it before, let’s have them do it again! 

Kermit the Frog (and the Muppets)

Where are the Oscars broadcasted? ABC. What’s their parent company? Disney. Who does Disney own? The Muppets. I see a perfect combination here. Kermit the Frog should be the main host but maybe he and another Muppet comes on to introduce an award! I’d like that quite a bit. Logistically, this is difficult, very difficult. But think about the magical moments in between awards where they all get to interact and have fun. Maybe at the opening, they reenact all the Best Picture nominees or maybe Fozzie can do the opening monologue! Maybe even Gonzo can announce a new category: Best Stunt Work. I think it would be so much fun and I think everyone would tune in for that. However, there’s one other person I’d love to have.

Conan O’Brien

Okay Academy, you win. You want a Late Night comedian? Fine. Get Conan. He’s the funniest Late Night host by a long shot and can add so much more to your awards broadcast. He’s very confident in his ability to make fun of you, but that’s the thing with Conan. Unlike Kimmel, every time he makes fun of you, he makes fun of himself 1000 times harder. He’s very conscious of the industry and its issues and is more than happy to dig into it in a most engaging way. Conan seems like quite a safe bet, and I wish it was he who could host.

But alas, here we are, Kimmel is upon us and there is nothing we can do to change that. You can expect probably a better broadcast than last year, but who knows at this point. But me? I’m looking forward to what looks to be a very promising awards season. Not even Jimmy Kimmel can rain on my parade.

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